Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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