But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
