Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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