Plan B is the new Plan A
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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