my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
