Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
