Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
