apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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