I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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