Sry I called you an 8
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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