woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
