he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
