remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can I color on your dick again?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
