So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
