The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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