omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
