Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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