Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
