i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
