I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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