Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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