Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
