he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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