I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize