my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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