I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
