he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
