Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Pooping to opera.
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