Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
