like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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