omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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