Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
