the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
