I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
