Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I believe in your delicious
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
