I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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