I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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