You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
