She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
