At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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