Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize