but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
