i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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