just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
