She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
