Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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