Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
