My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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