the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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