You can't special order awesome
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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