Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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