it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize