She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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