It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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