I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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