Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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