Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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