Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
