she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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