I looked at my own cervix.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
