I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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