mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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