Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
