Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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