i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need a beard to bite.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
