I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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