youre lurking in front of me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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