I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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