my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
