I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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