EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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